In spite of your wit-forward captions, no one is printing out the birthday wishes you posted on Instagram stories. But will your loved ones engrave a poignant phrase in your handwriting on their Monica Vinader locket? Maybe! Personally, I’ll save a thoughtfully written card in my extra-sturdy Proenza shoebox every time. Here’s how we’re bringing back the art of putting pen to paper.

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Designate a mail drawer.

For the millennials and under, sending physical mail can feel like a colossal undertaking, not unlike wading through your heaping pile of voicemails.

Half the battle in sending out mail, I’ve found, is not having everything at my fingertips. When you have to make a CVS run to buy envelopes, ask a coworker for stamps, and dig out an appropriate letter-writing pen (here’s my go-to) from your junk drawer, it can take five days to get something from your hands into the mailbox.

The solve: Designate a single desk drawer, box, or file folder for all of your snail mail supplies to reduce future friction in the process.

Get personalized stationery.

Now we’re going to stock that drawer. Personalized stationery is next-level adulting IMO. It feels a little self-centered to send a card with your own name on it for birthdays, but for thank-yous, thinking of yous, notes to your new neighbor — lovely. It’s also such a chic gift for newly minted adults or recent graduates. A few that I like:

• I’m personally drawn to the simplicity of letterpress or embossing from Cerulean Press, pictured above left.

• Illustrator Lani Kemp makes the sweetest personalized notecards. How cute would it be to send baby shower thank-you notes with oranges or dinosaurs? Adorable and affordable.

• Author has mentioned loving her personalized stationery from Papier, which has an array of gorgeous designs.

Build your arsenal of greeting cards.

Browsing the card selection at a stationery store is one of life’s small pleasures. I stocked up on a dozen greeting cards at Goods for the Study recently — it’s been delightful to have my own personal stash to choose from when a birthday rolls around.

In the past, in my haste, I’d often end up popping into Tarjay or Walgreens between acupuncture and a car wash and inevitably wind up with a cheesy card featuring cartoon ladies with curly grey perms “aging like fine wine…” you know the ones…

Whenever possible, I try to purchase from smaller stationers and stockists in order to support individual creatives instead of Big Greeting Card with my dollars.

A few favorites of mine: I’d love to send OR receive a minimalist-chic card from Jaymes Paper. Margot Elena’s artfully illustrated cards, printed on textured paper with hand-glittered accents, always make me smile. E Frances Paper has a most delightful selection of watercolor cards that will cover your bases for any occasion. Try Shop Antiquaria for vintagey and Western flair, or Isabella MG for a little irreverence and Latin flavor.

Collect a bunch of fun stamps.

For the first three decades of my life, I bought American flag stamps from CVS and never thought twice. Then I discovered that the postal service drops new stamp collections throughout the year — little works of art, really — and I’ve never gone back. Here’s a peek at 2026’s lineup, which you can purchase directly on USPS.com.

A small but meaningful detail: matching your stamp to the occasion or the recipient’s personality is its own tiny form of thoughtfulness. A fire horse for your Chinese New Year send. Sunflowers for the cheery optimist. Henceforth, any letter you get from me will be bedazzled in green moths, trumpet flowers, tulip blossoms. Byeee, generic star-spangled stamps.

Create a birthday spreadsheet.

This is your homework for the weekend: Go through your digital calendar and create a spreadsheet of birthdays of those who are meaningful to you. My personal cutoff is people I would definitely make an effort to see if I were visiting their city, with a few friends’ kids thrown in because humans under the age of six are the most fun recipients of mail.

Then, here’s the move: on the first of every month, pull up your birthday spreadsheet, write the cards for everyone celebrating that month, and drop them all at once. Brilliant idea from :

Handwritten correspondence is one of those habits that sounds like effort until it isn't. Once the drawer is stocked, the cards are ready, and the spreadsheet exists — the ritual is easy. With a few intentional minutes, you’ll create a considered pause and a tactile keepsake for the person on the receiving end. Go forth and make your people feel seen.

P.S. Five things for your spring table and why no one is RSVPing to your party.

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While I admit to being a devout online shopper — come December, I love to bop around town into my local bakery, butcher, wine shop, or home goods store to pick up goodies when I’m headed over to a friend’s.

The jangle of the door, the shuffle of snowy boots at the entrance, the Mariah tunes blaring out of an outdated sound system — the ritual of it all …

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Having hosted dozens of baby showers, birthdays, executive summits, holiday parties, conferences, and a wedding (singular:), I’ve had a front-row seat to how people respond to invitations — and learned why “yes / no” is rarely that simple.

If you’re hosting a backyard party with your 12 ride-or-die besties who you see every weekend, don’t overthink it. But if you’re doing the tough, sometimes uncomfortable kind of gathering — say, bringing together friends who have never met, planting friendship seeds in a new city, or hosting a destination wedding, it takes werrrk to get commitment.

Hosting doesn’t begin when the first taper candles are lit or the first martinis are poured. It begins the minute that you reach out to your potential guests. Here’s what I’ve learned about getting people to RSVP yes.

1. Confirm the date with your inner circle first.

Here’s what we’re not doing: throwing an invitation out into the void and crossing our fingers and toes for the best. Before any dates are set, gut-check with your inner circle. This is your MySpace Top 8. Your wedding party. Knowing their calendars are clear gives you confidence — and momentum to move forward with a date.

2. Send a “save the date.”

Once the date’s set, socialize it early. A mailed card, Paperless Post, or even a text can work depending on the formality and your audience. You’ll want to cater to the crowd — if the guest list consists primarily of your dad’s digitally unsavvy friends, a postcard for the fridge might be the way to go.

Bonus points for sending an accompanying calendar hold. Even if some won’t acknowledge it, you’ll capture the millennials who live and die by their Google calendars.

3. Then, send the real invite.

The official invitation should share key details (date, time, location, dress code) and build excitement. It’s also where you provide the mechanism for RSVPing. You don’t need to have every detail ironed out, but give people enough to plan confidently, especially if the event requires travel.

If you send an invitation by mail, I always recommend sending details via email, too, so that guests can search their inbox for event deets.

4. Shoot a quick “heads up” text.

A casual text lets people know an invite is on the way — and ensures it didn’t get lost or overlooked. Maybe Dave moved and you didn’t update his address (happened to me), or Jessica stuffs her unopened mail into a junk cabinet when the pile becomes overwhelming (it’s me, I’m Jessica). Whatever it is, you can’t assume that the invitation has definitively been opened by the intended recipient without confirmation.

It also signals that you’re personally invested in their attendance. You might say: “Just dropped your wedding invite in the mail last weekend - keep an eye out! HOPE YOU CAN COME!!”

…preferably littered with enthusiastic, thematic emojis to drive the point home. Fall wedding in Aspen? SO EXCITED ⛰️🍂🤠🤠🤠. Holiday house party? Let’s go 🥂 🎅🏽🎁🎄!

And, because people are quicker and chitty-chatty over text, it often gives you immediate feedback on the likelihood of their attendance: “omg yesss!! event of the year!” or “might have family in town but hoping to make it!”

5. Keep the line open with your guests.

If your role as a host is to make your guests feel warmly welcomed, this starts long before they walk through your front door. Create the space for guests to ask questions or flag any uncertainties — especially for those who may need a little encouragement.

Yes, you should provide enough info upfront to deflect basic, repetitive questions (can I wear shoes in the house? bring my toddler to the reception? no and no). But maybe your little cousin with only two passport stamps to Mexico needs a little hand-holding to feel confident booking that solo flight to Portugal.

Is it time-consuming? Absolutely. But personally, if I’ve made the decision to host people I care about, I’d rather have a read on how they’re feeling than outsource that responsibility to a planner or mother-in-law. (This doesn’t apply to say, a corporate event, where I’m perfectly happy to delegate!)

6. Nudge before the RSVP deadline.

A few days out, send a group reminder to anyone who hasn’t responded. I use Paperless Post’s “non-responders” feature or a bcc’d email so that no one feels singled out.

7. Follow up personally after the deadline.

Do not panic if you’re missing a healthy chunk of RSVPs by your deadline — this is more common than you might realize if you’re a stranger to throwing events. Though it can feel very deflating as a host, I always remind myself: People are busy. They probably meant to reply.

If someone hasn’t RSVP’d by the deadline, it’s fair game to check in. Tailor the nudge to how you usually talk: call, email, or text. A personal message goes a long way.

People want to feel like they weren’t just one of 200 names in a spreadsheet — they were invited because they matter to you. And that starts with how you ask. Make every message feel like what it is: a reminder that they matter to you. Because if they didn’t, you wouldn’t have invited them in the first place. RIGHT?

What weddings are you headed to this year? We just have two: one in Bali later this month and another in southern California this summer. As an elder millennial, this might be my season finale as a wedding guest. That said, I have thoughts after years of guesting — on registries, dress codes, officiating a wedding… let me know what you want to talk about in the comments!

Aloha! After a week in California, I’m back in Colorado in full troll/hibernation mode, with no plans to exit the building for five days. Last weekend, we celebrated Mike’s 40th in Palm Springs for three (!) days with ~30 friends. The unanimous highlight of the weekend was the luau night, featuring a signature rum cocktail, a ukulele player, a whole roa…

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Last night, my friend Hope hosted us for the cutest Scandi-inspired fondue and cookie party. My body is now made up of 22% gluhwein and 78% sugar cookie… such a fun idea for a girls’ gathering. We officially decided it’s a new holiday tradition.

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Enter batched cocktails. Today,…

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Not going to lie: I spent a solid few hours feverishly browsing gift guides and Black Friday deals the other night. The ideal holiday party pants that are never on sale? Colorful print dress that I can wear to that 2025 beach wedding for 30% off? I have no regrets (I maintain a rigorous wishlist so my shopping was very focused), but I did have to start …

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Just in time for holiday hosting, I’m so excited to introduce you to Bernadette Gerrity, VP at Cafe Aroma and party planner extraordinaire. A third-generation executive of the Cuban-owned coffee brand, Bernadette has always been surrounded by family in both work and play

“My aunt, who is now my boss, used to have these New Year’s Eve parties when I was a kid. Everybody would get so dressed up. It was an indoor-outdoor thing with tents outside her pool. I’d be in a sea of legs — amongst fabulous shoes, beautiful silver dresses.” 

From a young age, hosting has been deeply embedded in her DNA. “My dad had a real open door policy at his beach house. Often he’d been cooking and people would come over. People would find themselves staying for six hours. He’d have silly parties, like a summer in the winter party or a Donna Summer disco party.” 

Bernadette is no stranger to mixing family with friends and business with pleasure, having grown up with loved ones and industry friends flowing through her home. Carrying on her family’s legacy of warm hospitality, she started bringing her community together at her Long Island home a few years back. What started out as a 30-person gathering has since grown to a highly anticipated annual soiree with more than 150 guests including kids, grandparents, industry friends, and her fiancé’s family. 

In weeks like these, building community feels more important than ever. I think most of us probably bring all of our people together once in our lives for our weddings. So I can’t help but admire that Bernadette makes it a priority to do this once a year, every year, fearlessly blending her guest list across social groups and generations. “Having huge parties with kids around isn’t foreign to me now because I was the kid at the party when I was young,” she says.

This year, Bernadette hosted a Havana Nights party, paying homage to her Cuban heritage — complete with tropical flowers, bongos, cigar rollers, and a whole roast pig. Clearly someone who knows how to gather her people and show them a good time. Below, Bernadette shares her best advice on pulling together a large-scale, multigenerational affair. 

1. Assemble your party planning team.

I start planning at least six months in advance. The first thing I do is confer with my family like I do in work and play — my mom, aunt, cousins. These are things I’m brewing up — can anyone else think of anything better? I also have two uncles that help with everything. One of them is a chef and the other is a floral designer!

2. Lock in your entertainment early. 

Entertainment and catering are the biggest things that you have to lock down. I use websites like The Bash or Gig Salad to help me have a starting point even if I don’t land with them. They help me explore what kind of entertainment is local to me. Otherwise, often I have seen or heard them — for example, I’ve hired someone that I saw playing at Soho House.

3. When it comes to multigenerational appeal, keep it classic and thoughtful. 

To be clear, classic doesn’t have to mean “simple” or “basic” but rather something that appeals to guests of all age groups. When it comes to the classics, I like to highlight things that almost anyone can enjoy: good music and good food! 

Thoughtfulness comes into play when thinking about things like menu options — you should always have something on offer for vegetarians or gluten free even if just some hors d'oeuvres — and entertainment that can be enjoyed by everyone. Beyond the band, I often put games out like cornhole that are fun for adults and kids but can be sectioned off so as not to be disruptive to those socializing, dancing, eating, etc.

4. Do what you love doing, then outsource what you can.

When the cooking stops being fun, see if you can hire an extra hand or get catering trays from a local restaurant. I look to caterers for help on the centerpiece items like a roast pig, paella, etc. However, I often make — with the help of my fiance — all hors d'oeuvres on offer; I like to have at least two or three of each per anticipated guest. This year, that meant 250-300 mini ceviches, croquetas, gazpachos, and churros!

5. Make the most of party eve. 

At parties and weddings, the one pitfall of being a host is you often walk away feeling like you didn’t get enough time with each person. We often have guests coming into town, but I try not to make too crazy of plans the evening of — you want to be with as many people as you can, but I try to keep that time intimate. We really focus on family that is coming in to see us. The night before, try to spend it with people that you love who will also be okay with it if you say we’re just going to have pizza at home, but I’m excited to be with you. 

6. Take care of yourself first so you can take care of your guests.  

The first year I did this we stayed up until 3 in the morning cooking and drinking the night before — oops! The day of, if you can get a workout in or do something for yourself, do that. You’re spending so much of your energy and time on others. You have to do something that’s going to ground you at least for an hour. 

7. Butter up the neighbors.

I try to give my neighbors all around me little gift bags — a bottle of wine, some ear plugs, and a note that lets people know: we’re celebrating, but the music will be off by 11! 

8. On the day of, orchestrate and delegate.

Write everything that needs to be done down, and then be prepared to orchestrate and delegate. Once any staff shows up, I show them exactly how I want hors d'oeuvres plated, what I want the presentation to look like, what specialty cocktails should look like. At that point, you are really conducting and orchestrating. When the party’s going on, take a look around. In the first hour or two, curb your drinking a little bit so you can make sure things are flowing. 

9. Think ahead about creating connection between guests. 

I always make brief introductions! Some planned, others spontaneous. I try to think ahead — who needs to meet? For example, I had a subset of guests who were all into wine. I had been studying to get my certification to become a sommelier, and had both classmates and also a tutor who is about to be a master somm in attendance. I planned ahead to introduce the tutor to classmates or restaurant owners — anyone with a likeminded interest!

10. Above all else, make it warm.

The most important thing really is creating a warm environment. When there’s warmth and good vibes and good food and good music, everyone’s in a good mood and open to mingling, even if you’re waiting for a drink at the bar. That’s what my parties are about; warmth & togetherness like a good Nancy Meyers movie. It’s less see and be seen and more hang and have fun!

Bernadette’s hosting essentials 

1. Le Creuset dutch oven for cooking.

2. Champagne cork candles for birthdays.

3. Vintage dinnerware for serving — I love to sprinkle something vintage in!

4. While I adore a large centerpiece, it can at times block guests or take up room that would otherwise be for food. These smaller ceramic vases or these glass bud vases are a nice alternative to spring on the table.

5. Table linens don’t need to break the bank to be beautiful! I like this linen tablecloth and these napkins.

6. For splurging — for a truly special occasion…

How we gather is a series featuring people who are bringing friends together in fun and inspired ways. Guests share ideas, stories, and advice on finding friendship, creating community, and gathering more intentionally.

Hi from a hot, tiny airport in Morocco with surprisingly speedy wifi. We’re coming off two magical days at a desert camp on the edge of the Sahara, and I can’t wait to share more with you…

In the meantime, excited to welcome today’s guest, — the LA-based CEO and founder of Ghia. Ghia is the non-alcoholic aperitif brand you’ve likely spotted at cocktail parties and on restaurant menus as of late. Anyone who’s been over for a party at ours or spent an afternoon on the boat with us knows… there’s always a bottle of Ghia aperitif in the ice bucket and few cans of Le Spritz in the cooler.

When I catch Melanie, she’s fresh off a plane to Paris, where she recently bought her own apartment. “Not going to lie — I’m feeling a little loopy,” she tells me. She’s spending the next month in France, she says, to carve out creative time in the mornings to write her cookbook. In the evenings, her focus shifts to her LA-based team, which is currently launching Ghia’s latest: Le Fizz, a sparkling, strawberry orange blossom drink. Despite Melanie’s very full days, her warmth and effervescence bubble off the screen. 

Having grown up cooking and entertaining alongside her grandmother in the South of France, Melanie is a natural host whose vibe feels a little fancy, but never fussy. Though I feel she likely needs no introduction with most of you, I ask how she’d introduce herself to my readers. “I love to cook and host and find weird objects on the internet,” she says. A woman after my own heart! 

How I started hosting

I grew up in a small town outside of Lyon, but my whole family is in the South of France. My grandma and all of my aunts and uncles lived in Cannes. I was my grandmother’s first grandchild and her sous chef. She was hosting constantly. Every night, people knew there would be food on the table and would pop by. 

She was the queen of making the small things feel very special. We’d go to the beach at 7 am and then go to the market, then we’d make lunch and people would come over for lunch. I had so many jobs assisting her in the kitchen, but every first memory of food was with her. 

Even breakfast was hosting for her. Before going to bed at night, she would set up the breakfast table and I’d help her with that. If we wanted to watch TV, I was allowed to crawl in bed, but first, we’d set everything on the table together. She’d have me turn the cups over so that they wouldn’t gather dust. Everything that could stay out overnight, like the sugar, she’d set out, and then everything fresh would be put out in the morning. She always made something extraordinary out of the mundane. 

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Finding my dream Paris apartment 

I just bought my first apartment in Paris — I went in with all these different criteria. But when I was actually visiting them, I almost took two of them, but it just didn’t quite feel right. 

Then I visited this one [that I’m in now]. It had almost none of the things that I wanted, but it had an open kitchen. A lot of apartments in Paris just have a kitchen off to the side, but seeing the open kitchen — I could see myself cooking there and just knew immediately that it was the one.

The rituals that keep me grounded

I try to be very active. A big part of my LA life is hiking to yoga to surfing to playing tennis to working out with my trainer. I try to move as much as possible. On the weekend, I usually go to the farmers market and host my friends. 

I also try to cook most of my own meals — I’m trying to eat out no more than two or three times a week, which is actually not that much with my job, where obviously I have to do that quite a bit.

Things are very busy with work, but every Saturday until about 2 p.m., I don’t use my phone or computer. I have this protected time where I can draw, I can read, I can go do stuff. I really try not to open my emails and I try to schedule things for me. 

What I make when I have friends over

I love a leafy green salad, so I almost always have that with a nice dressing. Nothing irks me more than wet salad, and I feel strongly that a light dressing doesn't need sweet (no honey for me!) and must be evenly coated. I usually go heavier on the appetizers — things that are easy to make ahead. Right now, I’m making a lot of gazpacho or crudo with local fish. I also love mussels and clams this time of year! I almost always make a homemade pasta. It’s a little bit of my specialty. For a main, I’ll often make a whole fish or something braised or very shareable. 

To the extent that I can, I almost always have a make-ahead dessert so that I can enjoy my guests. I don’t host a lot of four-people dinners; I host a lot of 15-people dinners, so I’ve been more mindful of that lately. Recently I made a lemon tart that was really really good, or I love a fruit crumble with an almond flour topping. The first dessert I ever made was chocolate mousse, which is my dad’s favorite. Now it’s one of the things I love to make — I love to do it French style, in one big pot with a big scoop. 

Generally, in LA, people don’t drink as much, so I try to have a mix of beverages — but I always have some unreleased Ghia to get people’s feedback on, and I almost always try to have a red, a white, and a natural wine. And then either tequila or mezcal. 

A good gathering should feel like we tried to make it special, yet very approachable. I love food, but the food is secondary. It’s always about how people feel.

Ghia’s newest sparkling beverage

Le Fizz is a bubbly, strawberry orange blossom drink. We’ve had the formula for a while, and I’ve been so excited to bring it to life. It still has a dry finish, but it’s not bitter like our other Ghia drinks. It’s a bit more approachable for people who want to participate in Ghia without loving bitterness. It comes in a single bottle of several shareable servings. Just opening a bottle like that that sparkles — it feels like a happy feeling from the beginning. 

How I threw a 100-person paella party for my birthday

My birthday’s in February, and one of the luxuries of living in LA is that you can still have a party outside in February. I asked a friend who has a great hosting house — if I do everything, can you let me borrow the house? He was like, actually yeah, would love to do that.

I wanted a big dish that everybody could eat out of, because that was what I missed during the COVID era, and it’s a lot of how we cook in the south of France — cooking outside, all together. I did not cook the paella, which I think was key to the success of the party, because it’s quite intensive to cook a paella!

I found these paella people in LA called LA Paella Catering, and they were absolutely incredible. It’s this German guy who grew up in Spain, and said he was so happy he found me because he used to only do retirement parties. I’ve since sent him so many young clients. It was this giant dish — we had 10 people around it at any given time. There was not a single grain of rice left at the end of this thing. 

My friend Jessica from Sqirl made the birthday cake. She asked me what I wanted and I said I don’t care, but if you could use Ghianduja, our chocolate spread, I’d love that. There was Ghianduja between layers of the cake and it was honestly insane. It was so, so good. 

Melanie’s hosting essentials 

1. I was gifted this tray by Christofle for my Paris apartment and it’s one of my favorite objects — truly everything is better on a silver tray.

2. This lighter by Rebecca De Ravenel is the chicest object to light my candles with, and also makes for the best hostess gift, for the one who has everything.

3. I’m biased but I think our Totem glasses are the perfect glasses for alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks alike (and ice cream!).

4. My napkins get a ton of use, so I collect napkins from Suay Sew Shop. They use donated deadstock fabrics and low impact dyes to make their gorgeous napkins, and they’re local to LA.

5. Oh and of course the gorgeous vintage tea towels upcycled by my mom and sister: Maison Masarin.

6. Some playlists we put together for your next gathering. Sexy Slow Jams is my end of summer fav, but there’s a little bit for everyone in there.

Melanie — this was so much fun, thank you! Plotting how I can throw an LA paella party of my own…

I love the feeling of having the perfect something for everyone on hand, no matter what they feel like drinking, so I can’t wait to add Le Fizz to the mix. If you’d like, you can get Ghia’s Le Fizz at drinkghia.com.

Night Shade

An inconsistent patchwork of recipes, founder musings, travel recommendations and everything else the internet doesn't need more of. I'll try to keep it short.

By Melanie Masarin

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Images courtesy of Melanie Masarin.

How we gather is a series featuring people who are bringing friends together in fun and inspired ways. Guests share ideas, stories, and practical tips to help us find friendship, create community, and gather more intentionally.

Meet Kate Greer, a small-town girl with a big love of hosting. Inspired by her Iowan roots, she founded Cheerie Lane, a beloved brand of popcorn pods made with family-farmed heirloom kernels. When she’s not running Cheerie Lane, you’ll find gathering loved ones and little ones at her San Francisco home—usually over popcorn, of course.

Kate is a well of creativity, warmth, and inspiration—I loved getting to chat with her about the ways she keeps the kiddos entertained, from bringing out the paint sets to turning popcorn cupcakes into a family activity. I found myself *taking notes* on the vulnerable questions she pops when there’s a lull in the conversation and the rituals that banded her female artist friends together. Think you’ll uncover some lovely ideas in here, too!

Teresa Wu: Tell me a bit about yourself and about Cheerie Lane, your popcorn company. 

Kate Greer: I’m originally from Iowa. Iowa folks are really good at gathering because it’s such a warm and welcoming place. Everyone’s always bringing baked goods and casseroles over. And it inspired the heart of why we created Cheerie Lane. 

Cheerie Lane is named after our farm in my hometown, and my cousin Brad is the farmer and my cofounder. I’d been in New York for many years, and very quickly the fancy things of big cities burn off, and you’re just at the kitchen table with your best friends having wine and popcorn. That was our north star—helping people have that experience. Popcorn has such a nice anticipation and smell that makes you feel at home.

I like to start from the beginning of people’s gathering journeys! When and how did your love for hosting begin? 

Iowa inspires my love of hosting—on the Cheerie Lane farm, my grandma was always making pies and popcorn and roasts. People were always popping in and leaving, and there was always this warmth to her kitchen. She did everything with a lot of care, from the apron that she wore to the wallpaper she put up to the flowers that she cut. Those are some of my early memories. 

My friend Mia Moretti is such a muse when it comes to gathering. I’ve traveled all over the world with her, and we’ll be in an Airbnb that’s not so great—but she’ll pick the only thing that smells good from the backyard. She’ll make candle holders out of pinecones. She’ll pull the best poetry books off the shelf and use a sheet for a tablecloth. She’s one of those people that really cares about making your experience feel good.

Are there other things or experiences that have influenced the way you gather?

Random, but I have a masters in psychology, and there’s a heuristic about “peak-end experiences.” The point being that in the middle, you need to have this climatic experience that people will go home remembering, and in the end, you finish on a high note. I think about this all the time. 

With my girlfriends, I keep a list of the 10 most universally interesting questions. Anytime there’s a lull in our dinner, I’ll drop one of these. By asking them something vulnerable after we’re warmed up, you’ll get these really good stories out of people.

On ending strong: I love having something to give people when they’re walking out the door—I often give people popcorn. I also make mezcal shot glasses. I’m always trying to make sure that people don’t leave empty handed.

Kate Greer’s vulnerable questions:

1. What’s a childhood story that typifies the person you are today? 

2. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

3. What’s a belief you held adamantly and then completely changed your mind about? Did a 180?

4. What are some of your greatest life tools?

5. What’s one question you wish people would ask you but they would have no idea to ask you that specific question?  

What are some of your personal rules or philosophies around gathering? 

I like to seed friendships in advance. When you’re around a bunch of kids, you fall into a trap of talking about what school they go to and things like that. I’ll tell two people they’re going to connect ahead of time or bait them with something they can strike up a conversation around that goes beyond small talk. 

As someone who doesn’t have kids but has lots of friends with kids, I’d love all the mom advice! What are some of your tips for hosting with kids or having kids over?

Contain people to certain spaces in your home. In SF, I have this patio that works really nicely because a mom’s not going to be relaxed or have fun unless you know the kids are OK. Having them in view but not necessarily on your lap is the dream. And if you’re hosting outside and a child spills something all over, the mom’s less stressed about it.  

The other thing I always do—I’m a big painter and always have been. I have a strong belief that kids’ art can be really beautiful. I try to always set out watercolors and watercolor paper so they have an activity. The kids will make watercolor postcards that I steal for thank yous or send to relatives and friends.

What does your go-to menu look like?

We always have a few kinds of cheese—we famously have this very dangerous cheese cutter. Zuni chicken is kid and adult gold. Often you can get away with big bowls of pasta and lasagna, we do a lot of grilled vegetables—we have a big garden that I pick from. For the kids, we’ll put together a popcorn bar, which doubles as an activity.

How do you put together a popcorn bar?

We’ll set up a bar in the kitchen with toppings: sprinkles, crushed graham crackers, squeeze bottles with chocolate, fruit snacks, Paro's fennel candies, etc. and a cupcake tray with cupcake liners. It’s always fun to give kids choices and have them feel like they’re getting to build their own thing. 

We pop a butter popcorn pod as the kids watch so they can see the pod melt and get excited when they hear the first kernel. Once popped, set aside in a bowl to cool while you melt a tablespoon more of butter and a bit of honey or maple syrup in the hot pan. Pour over the popcorn and mix in—this provides a slight adherence without becoming a sticky mess! Fill the cupcake liners and let the kids start topping. 

We'll let them set as we go outside to the patio for a nice lunch with a view of the Golden Gate, and I'll bring the popcorn cupcakes out for dessert! We also use lemons from the yard to make our own fresh lemonade.

Such a fun idea! That sounds like a magical afternoon. Do you have a hosting uniform or outfit you gravitate to?

I used to wear, like, white silk or a tight 50s jean, but now my post-kids hosting uniform is all about sets—it’s an easy way to look put together. I love Rachel Comey’s sets in particular. I’m a huge fan of color, pattern, even lamé, anything that’s texturally interesting. I like to delight my children and love getting called a cool auntie.

Tell me about Chez Conversations, your collective of five female artist friends. How has gathering helped you build friendship and community?

In high school, I probably would have been voted “most likely to get outta Dodge”—it wasn’t until a few years into New York that I felt like I met my people. 

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How was your weekend?

We’re in the middle of third winter over here. Last weekend brought us 80 degree patio days—this weekend brought us the below snowstorm. Here was the view outside of our window yesterday:

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How we gather is an interview series featuring people who are bringing friends together in fun and inspired ways. Guests share ideas, stories, and practical tips to help us find community, create connections, and gather more intentionally.

After years of attending stiff, pointless events as a writer and influencer in New York, thought, there must be a better way.

Enter EV Salon, an invite-only space for handpicked connection. Erika’s curated gatherings, which bring together upwards of 50 guests, are designed so that you might fall in love with a new friend.

It takes someone who truly loves creating community to dream up—and pull off!—something like this. I chatted with Erika, who writes the newsletter , about how she plans these coveted New York gatherings and engineers meaningful connections between her guests. Think you’ll love what she has to share!

P.S. Not subscribed yet? Putting this handy button here just for you:

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TW: What was the inspiration behind EV Salon?

EV: I’m obsessed with intro emails. I’m always sending intro emails between incredible people I know, and I wanted to make that feeling manifest in a space. What if you could walk in to a space and know that everyone was vetted by someone that you trust? 

What’s the format of the gathering?

EV Salon is designed to be an invite-only space for handpicked connection. You get an email from me. If you confirm you’re attending, I send a Google calendar invite. I hide the guest list because no snooping. 

You walk into the event and find your name tag before you get a drink or do anything else. It’s always on a big wall, and you can see the names of everyone who is coming. Your name is matched to someone else’s name, and between every name tag is a connection point—for example, ours would be Erika < Substack > Teresa.

I think it’s important that people have a job off the bat—you have a person you have to find. If you have any sort of social anxiety or trepidation about walking into a room, this setup sort of takes care of that and provides an immediate context for a conversation or a new friendship. 

There’s a lovely drink setup—we get sponsors involved with snazzy DTC snacks, and there are always gift bags with brands vetted by me.

How many people do you invite, and how do you curate the guest list? 

The first one was 30 people in my apartment, the second one was around 50 people in an annex at a restaurant. The next one will be 80 people at a grocery store in Manhattan.

So far, I’ve invited my own network and friends of friends. The chances that you’ll know someone are quite high because you probably work in media or tech. As it grows, I might involve people that I don’t know personally—though part of what makes it work right now is that the connections are handpicked.

What are your thoughts on the best way to connect people after a party? When I throw parties, I’m never quite sure if people got each other’s info. Do you ever send out a contact list? 

I feel like an Instagram follow is the most natural way for most people to connect. During an event, I find it a bit rude to pull out my phone, so I always have this little red Moleskine on me where I’ll make note of any follow-ups.

I don’t send out a contact list because even if people get a list, there’s still a barrier for one person to reach out to another. After the salon is over, I always send a follow up email to the group and inevitably 20 intro emails afterward. I don’t mind sending the intro. I like that it feels high touch… and I like knowing who connected with who! 

What role do you see yourself playing as the host? Who else do you pull in to help? 

My purpose on the planet is to be a connector—I want to be the conduit for two people coming together for an incredible creative project, a really fulfilling friendship, or a short-term apartment rental. 

I have five really close friends who show up and are my little army. It’s so sweet because they could all just hang out with each other, but I can see the way they take the nature of the event seriously, introduce new people who might not know each other, and mirror my behavior. The hope is that that becomes contagious and people step out of their comfort zones. 

Tell us more about the gift bags. How did those come about? 

All of the sponsors and gift bag items are vetted by me. I work with a lot of brands that are generous enough to send product and help amplify the salon. 

People think of it as a moment of discovery. Anytime I serve nonalch drinks, when we get all the Ghia flavors flowing, people love it so much. I sent everyone home with a razor that I wrote about for the Wall Street Journal once—I loved going over to my friends’ apartments and seeing it in their bathrooms.

How do you create the vibe for an event? 

I like to host events where people can come and go with ease. I set a pretty wide time frame on these events, and they always end up going later. And I always keep the lights as low as I can. 

I’ll set up little stations—people like to stand, but that doesn’t stop me from having places to sit down and creating a cozier, more intimate moment.

My girlfriend Tori has the best taste in music. I play her playlist “Cruising Altitude” at all my events. Editor’s note: Tori writes one of my favorite Substacks! Check out her newsletter .

Logistically, when are these taking place? 

It’s generally like 6-8:30 p.m., though I have gotten feedback that that’s too early—the next one is going to be 8 p.m. on a Thursday. I only ever do weekdays. I got married on a weekday. I don’t mess with weekend plans.

What do the comms look like before and after?

I keep communications really minimal. Everyone gets an email bcced with the whole group a month in advance. It’ll say: Here are the details, no plus ones. Respond to this email if you can make it, and I’ll add you to the Google calendar invite.

Controversial, but I don’t send a reminder email. I always send a very thorough follow-up email three days later with photos, links to anyone that was in the gift bag, and an offer to make any intros. 

Tell me more about hiring a photographer.

I think it’s really special to have a photographer. People are going to take photos for content, but a photographer takes the pressure off of that… you can let someone else get the detail shot or the group shot. Turnaround time on photos is really important—you don’t want to email photos two weeks later.

Let’s talk about managing costs—I know personally, I love to throw a party, but it can be expensive to host all the time.

I’m lucky that food and drink and everything in the gift bags are gifted in exchange for posts. But there are definitely still other costs that I eat—like a photographer, paid help, Ubers, etc. I sort of think of it as an investment in my community and in my network. 

How do you think a different setting (your apartment vs. a grocery store, for example) changes the vibe? 

I would host it in my house forever if I could—but it’s a one-bedroom in New York. When it’s your own home, there are so many factors you can control. I’m often using spaces that have been gifted to me, so it’s not like I’m a paying client. You don’t always know exactly what you’re showing up to. 

But I try to be really cognizant that thing that’s important is the people and the connections that I’m making. People are there for the people. At the end of the day, if it’s too bright or the music’s not loud enough, it’s fine.

How can readers recreate the ethos and energy of EV Salon in a smaller way? 

I think one of the things you can do is host dinner parties outside of a single friend group. Do the hard work of creating a mind map and figuring out what connections you can make—for example, I know this person from this, but this person might get along with this person. 

Maybe my default guest list is this list of people—but how can I add in three new people who are wild cards, and really introduce new energy to the group? Planning events outside of one friend group is not easy, and it does not always go well. But when you put in the work of creating those name tags and connection points, the end result can be greater than the sum of its parts. 

Any final advice do you have for someone wanting to pull off a gathering like EV Salon? 

Providing context to your guests is everything. I hate an event that’s like, “Just come over.” Is it your anniversary or…? I don’t want people to think EV Salon is a networking thing. When you equip people with expectations, it’s easier for them to show up the way you want them to. 

Photo credit: Sara Anderson

Thank you so much, Erika! For more from Erika, find EV Salon on Instagram here and subscribe to , Erika’s newsletter on secondhand fashion.

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We spent last weekend on the slopes in Beaver Creek with friends of ~15 years who live in New York and California. It got me thinking about long-distance friendships—and what has kept them alive after all these years.

In our free-wheeling early 20s, hanging out happened on our apartment rooftops and inside K-town bars 3-5x a week, loosely planned at 4 p.m. that same day from our swivel chairs across Manhattan.

These days, hanging out looks a little bit different. Two years might pass before we get our shit together. An extensive cross-check of the calendars of surgeons and small business owners and finance execs has to happen to find that one fated weekend on which schedules align.

The parents assemble their weekend childcare teams and Facetime their toddlers during downtime—gone are the days anyone “accidentally missed my flight because I wanted to catch that last set at Coachella.” Instead of chatting new restaurant openings and congregating for bottomless brunch, we talk about how crappy that last round of IVF was and compare notes on cholesterol panels—signs of aging, am I right?

Modern communication, transportation, and technology have enabled our generation to be highly mobile: Accordingly to the Atlantic, a study that followed pairs of best friends over 19 years found that participants had moved an average of 5.8 times during that period. Moving away from each other, though, can overstretch the fabric of our friendships.

Having relocated over the course of my adult life from California to New York to Japan to Colorado, I know this well. Many of our closest and oldest “pajama friends,” as coined by , are geographically dispersed: Though we had our wedding in Colorado, more guests came from Singapore than from in-state. While we spend a lot of time nurturing our local friendships, I’m grateful that my long-distance friendships have grown with me through many seasons of life.

I’m still on a high from getting to spend real, quality time catching up with old girlfriends on the lift between runs and over late-night tomahawk steaks. True to form, we spent a lot of time in our pajamas. Below, sharing my thoughts on making those long-distance friendships work—would love to hear yours in the comments.

If social media is a party, be the party host (not the person gossiping in the corner).

It’s easy to let Instagram spiral into a toxic wasteland of passive voyeurism, where you spend more time envying someone’s St. Barth’s trip and accompanying wardrobe than actually being social. If you’re on social media, use it for what it was created for: to share and connect.

I’m always posting little funny tidbits of our life on Instagram, and it gives friends plenty of fodder to dive right into a conversation when we see them next. When we run into old friends at weddings, my husband (who is off social) learns about the things that have been shared with the internet about us—being married to me is fun. “Did you fire that your contractor who stole all your plants yet?” they’ll ask at cocktail hour, and it’ll be like no time has passed at all.

On the flip side, engage with what friends are sharing, too—give the likes and positive comments out freely. While friendship maintenance through social media falls more in the “life support” camp more so than the “deep connection” camp, at worst, it’s a little dopamine boost for the receiver. At best, they might interpret your regular “likes” as: You are still on my mind, I’m still in your corner, and you can reach out if you need me.

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Lean into the group chat.

I have found that the group chat is the #1 low-effort, high-reward strengthener of remote friendships. The thing I love about a group chat is that it lowers the barrier for what you can message people about. Maybe you haven’t been in touch with x friend for awhile, and it’d be a little awkward to reach out 1:1, but you can totally message the group to get a recommendation on athleticwear brands everyone’s currently into.

Take group photos when you’re together.

Like gossiping, I think taking photos of yourselves can be seen as a self indulgent or frivolous act. One of my guy friends mentioned once that he thought asking to take a group photo seemed “feminine.” (We have a lot to unpack there, Patrick.)

But guess what? Everybody likes having a good group photo after the fact. With Facebook and Apple Photos “On this day…” reminders, having photos pop up years later creates another touchpoint to reminisce and open the conversation back up.

Be the annoying group photo ambassador who insists on a pic. Don’t be like Patrick. You, and whoever assembles your dazzling 50th birthday montage, will thank me later.

Send a physical token in the mail.

Distance makes spending shared in-person time together more challenging, but physical tokens add a tangible touch to friendships that rely primarily on digital connection.

One time, I commented on a unique-looking honey in an IG story of my friend’s charcuterie spread, and a few days later I received a little jar of yuzu jam from her on my doorstep—such a delightful little surprise! Another friend sent me a dogeared copy of a book she thought I’d enjoy—her penciled marginalia made it feel like we were sharing in the reading experience together.

I also love sending and receiving snail mail and holiday cards. Even if that festive photo gets mailed to 100 other people, it’s still the loveliest little reminder that someone was thinking of you that November as they signed, stamped, and sealed your envelope.

Share vulnerably.

A few months ago I found myself getting a d&c surgery with about 15 minutes’ notice. Because several of my girlfriends had divulged their own miscarriage experiences with me previously, I texted them from the clinic that day with all the invasive questions and “woe is me” memes. Thanks to their vulnerable self-disclosure, I felt loved and held and supported by a cheer squad of women through what was otherwise a somewhat traumatic day.

Create traditions for shared, in-person experiences.

The holy grail of friendship connection remains shared quality time in person, but that’s easier said than done. We’re all familiar with the “Girls’ trip?!?!” thread that pops up once a year in the group chat without any traction.

But making something a standing ritual cements both its time in the calendar and its importance in your life. Spanx CEO and founder Sarah Blakey has been taking her girlfriends on a trip to a surprise destination for the last 18 years. I love that these women get together every single year without fail. This group of guys who grew up in Santa Barbara and now live in different cities have been getting together and taking the same group photo for 35 years—friendship goals!

At the end of our own ski trip this year, we decided to make it a tradition: getting together every year would be the default, not the exception.

I’d love to hear: Do your closest girlfriends live in the same city as you? What are some things you’ve done to maintain and strengthen your long-distance friendships? What’s the last thing a long-distance friend did that made you feel loved and supported? Drop your long-distance friendship tips and stories below:

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If you liked this, here are a couple of my favorite recent reads on friendship:

• The secret to making friendship last with

• ’s interview with Rhaina Cohen, of the viral article “What if Friendships, Not Marriage, was at the Center of Life?”

• Why Americans stopped hanging out (gift link), and what to do about it from

How we gather is an interview series featuring people who are bringing friends together in fun and inspired ways. Guests share ideas, stories, and practical tips to help us find friendship, create community, and gather more intentionally.

This week, we’re stepping inside the home of Athena Gronti—an Athens-born textile designer who moved to the Netherlands at 19 to pursue a design education. 11 years later, she calls it home—living with her partner and two cats in a cute flat in Rotterdam. 

By day, she creates in a light-filled studio at de Wasserij (“the laundry station”), a fashion and textiles hub that was once a hospital laundry room. By night, find her cooking elaborate veg meals centered around what’s fresh and in season, with an audiobook playing in the background.

Athena regularly hosts dinner parties through & the Table, a community platform that connects six local women around a specified theme. In today’s letter, she shares her go-to dinner party menu, the inspiration behind her eponymous line of table linens, and the exact art supplies you can use to recreate her playful hand-drawn menus. Hope you enjoy!

P.S. Do not miss her Spotify playlist—it’s such a good one.

TW: What inspired you to start gathering?

AG: A year and a half ago, I discovered & the Table, a platform founded by Samantha Wolfson. It allows for six women that have never met before to come together for a themed dinner party, and have intimate conversation around the topic set by the host. 

Being a host has allowed me to meet women that I would’ve otherwise not met and make intimate conversation right from the get-go. I started being more intentional about my themes, tablescapes, and menu, since I want it all to tie together. It becomes almost a spiritual practice, where I open my home and my heart to five women who are total strangers, and it’s so insanely rewarding. Food is such a connector. It’s like live magic—you can see and feel it happening as the night goes by.

What’s one of your go-to dinner party menus?

Roasted veg on tahini sauce. For an appetizer I always love a roasted veg on a tahini-lemon-garlic sauce, which is so delicious, nutritious and vegan! Some lemon zest, cress, or roasted nuts as garnish goes a long way.

Stuffed sweet potato. For a main dish, I like easy meals that still give you the feeling that it’s something special, such as this stuffed sweet potato dish, garnished with fresh dill for an extra cute look. 

Olive oil cake or chocolate mousse. ’s olive oil cake has a special place in my heart because I’m a Mediterranean girly after all. Else a vegan chocolate mousse by Happy Pear is always easy to prep and make, and can be elevated by adding some orange infused olive oil on top, with some hazelnuts or pistachio for some extra crunch.

What else do you usually have on the table? 

For table snacks, olive oil tapenade with lots of fresh parsley and garlic is always easy, served with crackers. Cheese boards are always a go-to for me if my guests eat lactose, as I live in the Netherlands and the cheese selection here is to die for. Chicory served with a bowl of whipped feta is also a great one—super easy to prep beforehand.

Last but not least, a jug of water on the table is a must, and I also like to have my (white) wine in a terracotta wine cooler.

How do you help a group of strangers create conversation and connection?

The more vulnerable people dare to become, the deeper the connection gets. There’s a domino effect that takes place, where seeing women around you open up inspires others to also open up. 

I once hosted a table themed around “mothering” about child-free women who feel like mothers in a way—maybe to their closed ones, their pets, etc. We all started sharing our experience in mothering others, which inevitably brought up our own relationships to our mothers, and how that influences so much in our lives. It was one of the most profound dinners that I’ve ever hosted, because we were some strangers sharing some of the most intimate feelings and experiences we have.

I love your colorful hand-drawn menus! Can you share some tips on creating them?

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Hi everyone,

I’ve heard from both readers and from girlfriends at dinner recently: Meeting potential friends as an adult is hard. Becoming actual friends with them is even harder. 

We could all use a little help in the friendship department, myself included. This month, I’m starting a newsletter series called How we gather, featuring people who are bringing friends together in fun and inspired ways. I’ll invite guests to share ideas, stories, and practical tips to help us find friendship, create community, and gather more intentionally. 

Our inaugural guest is visual designer, art director, and my longtime friend Holly Wang. Originally from California and now based in Brooklyn, Holly is a Taiwanese American who organizes a quarterly cookbook club in New York. Holly is one of those creative types who effortlessly collects interesting friends from all walks of life. And, she’s an animated storyteller with an adventurous palate—which makes her a really fun person to share a table with. 

Below, Holly tells us about the origins of her cookbook club and spills her best advice for getting one off the ground.

TW: What inspired you to start a cookbook club? 

HW: I’m in a regular book club, where we rotate through all kinds of different books—graphic novels, fiction, nonfiction, etc. We were doing one around the holidays, so I thought it’d be fun to pick something more community-oriented and chose the Dishoom cookbook as my book that month. Everyone came, everyone made something—it was super fun! At that meeting, I decided to start an offshoot focused on cooking.

What are the rules of the cookbook club?

We meet once a quarter—we assign an order based on a random number generator, and each quarter two people get to pick a book. Everyone votes on the book they’re most interested in cooking out of, and the person who picked the winning book hosts. So far the meetings have been on the weekend—either a weekend lunch or dinner, since that seems to work best for most schedules. Right now we have around 15 people in the club, but not everyone comes every time. 

How do you decide who’s going to cook what?

We don’t assign recipes, but we have a spreadsheet where everyone shares what they’re making so that we don’t double up on recipes and we know who’s coming. It’s potluck style, so everyone cooks at their own place and brings it to the group meeting. It’s quite fun! Some people are ambitious and will go all out and make three things. It’s kind of up to whatever you want to do. Everyone usually brings wine, so the host usually ends up with a lot of it. 

How did you find new members for your cookbook club? 

I initially posted it on my Instagram (my IG is set to private), and it grew through word of mouth—some are my friends from the music industry, some are just people I’ve known forever, some are my friends’ spouses. It’s their friends from work, friends of friends who find out about it through a mutual friend… it really runs the gamut and is very inclusive. If you’re interested, you’re invited. 

How has the cookbook club helped people make new friendships or build community? 

It’s been a really nice way to make new friends. Most people in the club are from different friend groups, but everyone likes to cook or is interested in cooking, and that gives us all common ground. I once made a custard dessert that didn’t turn out exactly, and I thought it was going to be really embarrassing, but everyone was super nice about it. That kind of openness and supportiveness is a very nice thing to have with people you’re not necessarily that close with. It’s a judgment free zone. 

You really get to know people in a more intimate way when you go into their homes. One of our cookbook club members, Amanda, has this giant framed gallery of Guy Fieri cards because her partner collects baseball cards and she LOVES Guy Fieri—that’s kind of an odd thing to have and you show up and you’re like OH, this person’s very into Guy Fieri. I love getting to see that. 

What do you think is unique to having a cookbook club in New York? 

We cook from a lot of ethnic cookbooks—Korean American, Win Son, Dishoom, etc.—so sometimes you have to trek to a specific grocery store for certain ingredients. But it’s fun to explore those little specialty stores and to see what unique products they have. Transporting large servings of food can also be a challenge in the city—I usually Uber, but I’ve had friends take the subway to my house—so you gotta figure out good packaging. 

What’s been your club’s favorite cookbook to cook out of and why?

Probably Ottolenghi Simple—everyone knocked their dishes out of the park. 

What are your some of your hosting essentials? 

Plenty of serving bowls, utensils, and glasses! It doesn't need to be anything fancy, but some of my favorites are:

• Our Place's Gather platters & bowls

• Our Place water glasses, which are great for wine, cocktails, and water! I have so many of these in multiple colors

• Hay cake stand

• Great Jones bakeware is great for going from kitchen to table—the baking sheet easily doubles as a serving tray

Any other tips or takeaways for organizing a cookbook club? 

1. Don’t be afraid to be the organizer. Having a leader to nudge things along is key to keeping up the momentum, especially with everyone’s busy schedules.

2. You don’t need a lot of space to host. We’re in New York—our apartments are not humongous. At my place, I don’t even have a dining table, so people sit wherever they can—at the kitchen counter, around the coffee table, at the desk in my living room. It’s very casual. 

3. Make it easy and accessible. People don’t necessarily want to buy every book, especially if they’re not familiar with the author, so I try to make sure the cookbooks are available at the library. We also allow people to cook from a food writer’s online recipes (for example, if we’re doing Molly Baz’s cookbook, you can make one of the recipes she’s published online). I don’t want it to be cost prohibitive for anyone to participate. 

4. Have everyone bring tupperware. There are usually plenty of leftovers since people tend to make more food than we can eat. At a normal dinner party, it’s probably not proper etiquette to take leftovers home, but because we’re cooking communally, it’s very much encouraged! 

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Just for fun…what are five things you’re loving right now? 

1. Rewatching Suits, just like everyone else. The show is so ridiculous but entertaining. 

2. Innisfree Daily UV Defense Sunscreen: This is my favorite sunscreen I've been using everyday for the past year. I feel like a good sunscreen is a must-have!

3. My Contax T2 film camera—I got it a few years ago, and it's been my main camera ever since. 

4. My friend's gallery in Brooklyn, International Objects, just opened a new show, and it's spectacular!

5. My favorite moment of laughter every week is the podcast RIDE with Benito Skinner and Mary Beth Barone. It feels like you're just hanging with your two best friends chatting about silly musings on life and makes you forget all your worries for a little while.

Thanks for sharing your cookbook club with us, Holly!

I hope you enjoyed our conversation—let us know if you have any questions for Holly in the comments. And if your wheels have started turning on starting your own cookbook club, why not forward this on to a friend??

Share this with a friend

Do you host a regular gathering to bring friends together? Whether you organize a weekly mahjong night, a seasonal dinner party, or an annual crawfish boil, I’d love to hear about it. Tell us more in a comment below or hit reply to send me a note.

In Chinese astrology, it’s believed that in the year of your zodiac sign, you offend Tai Sui, the God of Age, and therefore incur his wrath. Being that my year—the year of the dragon*—is incoming, my mom informs me, I’m prone to bad luck.

“That’s why I ask my sister went to temple to Tai Sui to pray for you,” she texts me. She also sends me a voice note that I interpret to mean that she threw the temple some cash to ward off my foretold misfortune. But I have the Mandarin comprehension of a first grader, so I could be completely misunderstanding the bribery aspect of temple-going.

*The Chinese zodiac rotates every twelve years: dragons were born in 2024, 2012, 2000, 1988, 1976, etc.

Our Lunar New Year Dinner Menu

The upcoming Lunar New Year, which falls on February 10, is all about filling your belly abundantly and over-indexing on foods that have auspicious names/shapes/histories. (Also spending time with family. But we have none nearby, so I’m focusing on the culinary aspect.)

While I am not above bribing any and all gods, I’m also leaning into the lucky foods this Lunar New Year, because it’s fun, delectable, and why not give my index funds a divine chance at a favorable future?

I’ve recently been feeling an expansive homesickness for Asian food—so I’m looking forward to preparing our own feast next weekend. Here’s what’s on the menu for our Lunar New Year dinner:  

Pork and cabbage dumplings / Kenji Lopez-Alt, Serious Eats: Dumplings resemble the boat-shaped gold ingots that were used as Chinese currency in the Ming dynasty, so naturally, to eat them is to become wealthy. This is the year I try my hand at homemade dumplings, something that’s always slightly intimidated me—but I trust Kenji to steer us in the right direction. 

Longevity noodles / Woks of Life: A dish that connotes a long, healthy life, longevity noodles are a staple on the new year’s dinner table. 

Pearl meatballs / Often served during special occasions and Chinese banquets, these savory, sticky rice-coated meatballs are symbolic of togetherness and reunion—sure to be the lustrous little jewels of your New Year’s spread. 

Steamed whole fish / Woks of Life: The Chinese word for fish (yu) is a homonym for the word for “abundance,” and so to achieve abundance year after year (nian nian you yu), we always steam two whole fish—stripe bass is a favorite, or branzino if we can’t find any stripe bass. My mom sends me a voice note every year reminding me not to eat all the fish, and so we obediently put a fish back into the refrigerator—a tradition that Mike remains unsure about but accepts as filially pious son-in-law duty. 

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Because I’m an introvert, people are often su…

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I have been hosting holiday parties since I was 20, except back then they involved ugly sweaters and writing your name on your red Solo cup. These days, our holiday house party has evolved to a slightly more elevated affair, and while generally nobody goes home without their shoes anymore, I like to think all of our guests still have a pretty good time. 

Since you asked for it—more hosting content!—today, I’m sharing the advice I’ve gathered along the way on holiday party hosting. In part one, we’re chatting all things decorating, curating the vibe, and setting the mood for your party.

My hot take on holiday party themes

Conventional party planning wisdom will tell you that you need to choose a theme for your party. My personal opinion is that holiday parties do not need a theme*. If you want one, yay! Themes are fun (for other people—I’m bad at themes). But at my house, HOLIDAY PARTYING is the theme. Looking festive and being cozy? The theme.

For those who want to fight me, tell me: Did your wedding have a theme? No, the theme was YOUR WEDDING, aka looking hot and celebrating love! Unless your wedding had a theme, then disregard. I don’t want to fight you.

*This is not to say they can’t have a curated palette, mood, or vibe… By theme I mean, say, a holiday hoedown or a Christmas luau.

10 tips on decorating for your holiday party

OK so. Your invitations are out, the RSVPs are in, and hopefully everyone who you’ve invited is someone that you could forgive for spilling wine on your white 100% New Zealand wool rug.

Now you’ve got to decorate your house for your (non-theme) holiday party. Where to begin? Here are a couple of tips on sprinkling your home with someholiday magic for an evening of festivity.

1. Deck the halls with lots of garland.

There’s no such thing as too much greenery around the holidays—more is more is more! Realistic faux garland is pricey, so I collect a few faux garland each year (the real-touch Norfolk are the indisputable best—sold out at Afloral but still available in a 15 ft. version at Kirkland or for a bit more at Darby Creek Trading).

You can mix in some more budget-friendly fresh garland and wreaths from Costco or Trader Joe’s. These little wreaths are also an affordable way to sprinkle greenery around the house: use them to dress up a mirror, the backs of chairs, cabinet doors, etc.

2. Use ribbon to tie everything together.

My tree does not look like it belongs at a department store—that is, it does not have 300 matching baubles in a carefully curated color palette. Poke around and you’ll find an orangey felt fish from a Durango souvenir shop alongside a framed pic of my baby doodles from our first college-aged dogsitter.

For us normal people who are not completely reinventing our holiday decor theme each year, an easy way to switch things up year to year is to buy $20 worth of ribbon to tie onto your tree, front door wreaths, and staircase garland. Voila, thematic excellence. This shop has a well-priced and wide selection of colors and sizes. 

If you like a sparse tree, we love our Norway spruce tree! This year, we bought this balsam fir tree to better fit our higher ceilings. (Do we need an in-depth Balsam Hill faux tree review, Y/N? Let me know in the comments.)

3. Strategically accent your greenery with fresh floral.

While greenery will do most of the work to transform the home, floral arrangements make everything look just a bit more special and elevated: set an arrangement or a bud vase on the entryway table, in the powder room, on cocktail tables, or on the bar, or mix in fresh flowers with more traditional holiday greens. 

4. Rent any extra tables or linens that you need.

Cocktail tables provide additional surfaces for guests to set their drinks and plates down on, and encourage the spread of guests throughout your entertaining area. Party rentals are surprisingly more budget-friendly than you’d imagine—like $30/cocktail table—though the linens are where it can get costly.

5. Turn off all of the overhead can lighting.

That’s it—that’s the rule.

6. …and then light everything with candlelight!

I like real candles for anything safely sitting at eye-level, and flameless for everything else. Pillar candles look beautiful on a staircase or fireplace, taper candles on your island or appetizer table, and tealights or votives on a cocktail table.

Since regular tealights only last ~3 hours, opt for these taller 8-hour tealights. If you’re looking to invest (I have not but I did investigate these closely in the name of research), Luminara makes the most realistic flameless candles. Recent brides on Facebook Marketplace are also your friends.

7. Light a wintry holiday candle.

I love to splurge on a single fancy candle for the holidays, which I burn verrrry slowly throughout the winter months. A few for your consideration: Thymes Frasier Fir, Nest Holiday, Nest Birchwood Pine, Hotel Lobby Holiday, Diptyque Feu de Bois. Most of these are really lovely layered, too. 

8. Stock the powder room with luxurious hand soap and single-use hand towels.

Whether you’re at a restaurant or at a friend’s house, it’s always a delight to happen upon a fancy hand soap in the bathroom. I’ve rotated through a few, but always come back to Aesop Resurrection for the chic packaging and luscious scent. For a budget-friendly option, pour a yummy soap into a refillable glass bottle.

During a big party, we set out these disposable guest towels on a guest towel tray, because no one wants to wipe their hands on a damp towel a dozen others have used before them.

9. Curate a holiday playlist.

Outsource to a friend with good musical taste or borrow from a Spotify curator if needed. For our last party, I asked my friend Gen to help put together a party playlist that was holiday-inspired, but not overtly Christmassy. Ideally, it’s as long as your party and then some, since chances are you will run later if all are having a good time.

10. Play music throughout the house.

Nothing kills a vibe like awkward silence. We play music from built-in speakers, but in their absence, I’d use a few UE speakers—they are reasonably priced, offer high quality sound, and can be linked together to play in different areas of the home. 

Rounding up all of the sources mentioned above for you:

• 15-ft Norfolk pine faux garland at Kirkland’s (currently 25% off)

• Norfolk pine faux garland at Darby Creek Trading (currently 25% off)

• My favorite affordable mini wreaths

• Faux Norway spruce tree (currently 30% off for Black Friday)

• Balsam Hill balsam fir tree

• Amazon ribbon shop

• 8-hour tealights 

• Luminara flameless candles

• Holiday candles: Thymes Frasier Fir, Nest Holiday, Nest Birchwood Pine, Hotel Lobby Holiday, Diptyque Feu de Bois

• Aesop Resurrection soap

• Disposable guest towels

• Crystal guest towel tray

• Refillable glass soap bottle

• Mrs. Meyer’s basil hand soap

• Holiday party playlist 

• UE speakers

Let’s chat in the comments

Drop a note in the comments below: How are you decorating your home for the holidays? What are your tried-and-true decor finds? Let me know if you have a fave appetizer recipe to share or any f&b questions we should discuss.

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Over the weekend, Mike threw me a little early birthday dinner party—our annual November Italian feast! At the height of lockdown, my friends Landon and Hayley hosted a five-course birthday meal for me—complete with homemade focaccia, handmade agnolotti, duck, espresso martinis, and heavy pours of Tignanello.

It’s since become tradition to kick off “the holidays” with my dangerously indulgent festa Italiana. (We also decided that this evening marks the official appropriate start date for turning on the Christmas tunes and stringing up the lights.)

The menu for these affairs is always a Mike-curated surprise, but “you’re in charge of decor,” he said. No one has to tell me that twice. I loved an excuse to curate a fall table: with a neutral base, gold accents, and moody autumnal florals.

I popped into Trader Joe’s, and then grabbed a couple of more special stems from the local nursery:

I made one main centerpiece arrangement in a little bowl from Japan, using a Japanese flower frog (my at-home flower arranging hack!) to hold everything in place. Then I tucked the last of our backyard snapdragons into linen napkins.

With the leftover stems, I put together a few smaller arrangements for the entryway, powder room, etc.

This year’s Piedmont-inspired menu below. (I tried to seize design control and force a Canva template on Mike since he wouldn’t let me assemble the printed menu myself, but he wasn’t having it.)

We ended the night on a sweet note with tiramisu and espresso martinis. This tiramisu recipe is my go-to for the holidays! Thanks to my sweet friends for celebrating with me and cheffing it up for this delicious meal. ♥️

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• Linen dinner napkins by Crate & Barrel

• Dinner plates from Casafina: Danielle from DM Design Group recommended these, and they’re the ideal neutral dinnerware (Jenni Kayne vibes for less!)

• Flatware by Sabre: I love this set—perfect for everyday use, but pretty enough to stand up to a special occasion table.

• Water glasses by Nason Moretti: We bought these mouth-blown beauties this last summer in Murano and broke them out for the first time.

• Wine glasses by Schott Zwiesel

• Flower frog from Amazon: Here’s a great tutorial on using a flower frog with a compote.

• Brass lily candle holders by Ystad Metall: I’m obsessed with these Swedish candle holders. My friend Hope shared these, and I was immediately influenced to cruise eBay for a vintage set. They look beautiful styled on the dining table or with some coffee table books. They’re more expensive at this link, but there are definitely eBay/Etsy deals to be had.

• Taper candles by Floral Society: These are my favorite taper candles—they don’t get drippy like others I’ve tried. I prefer my candles to be of varying heights but the taper holders were all the same—so I just burned two candles a bit ahead of time to get a little variation.

• Chocolate tablecloth from Zara Home: I rode my bike over to my friend Hope’s to borrow her tablecloth and two of her candle holders—yes, I know very cute of me

We’re hosting Thanksgiving with friends and family in just a few weeks, and I’m already looking forward to setting another fall table. Let me know in the comments: What are your holiday gathering plans this year? xx

If you liked this post, you might enjoy a couple more on holiday hosting:

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