The one thing that makes us happiest about owning a home

Why you should buy a house that helps you grow the relationships in your life

Let me just put this out there, in case you thought otherwise: Owning a home is a bitch.

There was that month that our hot water was out for 30 days. The time the HVAC stopped working on the hottest day of the summer. Then the sump pump broke, flooding the house with a delightful sewagey smell. The list is never ending: Our balcony flooring needs to be resealed. The concrete on our back steps need repairing. The cracks in the retaining wall need to be fixed. Just when you’ve knocked out one maintenance task, another three weasel their way onto the list. If only I had a landlord to call, I think, as I text my contact list again for contractor recommendations.

Contrary to popular belief, studies have found that homeowners aren’t any happier than renters. One of the reasons for this is “hedonistic adaptation”—after a good thing happens, we have a brief increase of positive feelings, but eventually return to a baseline. As applied to home ownership, after buying a home, the joy from the experience of owning a home diminishes over time.

Buying a house can be a good investment in some cases, but renting can actually be a much better decision once you factor in the hidden costs of home ownership. When I opened our last real estate tax notice, I dropped it like a hot potato out of shock and then shoved it into a drawer, because taxes aren’t real if you can’t see them.

All of this is to say that despite the constant bills and unending maintenance list—we love owning a home. We love owning our home, in particular. And it comes down to having prioritized making it into a home that grows our relationships with the people we love. 

Writes happiness expert Arthur Brooks: “Therein lies your formula for getting happier in your own home. If you think the house you are considering purchasing is the best place you can find to raise your family, welcome your friends, create traditions, and provide a destination for those you love, then go ahead and make it permanent. Your happiness will rise, because you have found a physical place to help you build the love in your life.” 

When we bought and began remodeling our Denver house, along the way, we thought: Is this a good investment?

But we also thought: How can we design a kitchen island that our loved ones will gather around? What does a backyard space look like that will encourage long, lingering summer nights? Can we add a cozy guest bedroom to the basement that our friends and family will look forward to staying in?

Though the research says that the joy from owning a home diminishes over time, I’ve found the exact opposite to be true in our current home—which is the first home in which we’ve actually had the time, resources, and desire to invest in making it a gathering place for our people.

As we’ve made more memories here—the chaos of our first family Thanksgiving, a houseful of festivity during our holiday party, and the nights that old friends and new have broken bread together around our table—I’m happy to report that we’ve unexpectedly grown to love it more and more over time.

I’d love to hear what your experience has been: What makes you happiest about owning or renting your home? How have you designed your home to grow the relationships in your life?

Are chickpeas the perfect transitional weather food?

• Olive oil braised chickpeas: When we started putting together a Mediterranean menu for dinner the other day, I recalled a braised chickpea dish we once had seaside in Paros. I found this recipe after some quick Googling and made it as a side for grilled branzini—easy, flavorful, delicious. I made a big batch to munch on throughout the week!

• The trees are just beginning to bud in our neighborhood hood—which means it’s almost time to start taking found foliage indoors. All it takes is one failed foraging attempt to make you upgrade your shears, though. These heavy duty pruners recommended by landscapers and florists alike are my faves for snipping flower stems, but they also through meatier branches with ease. I’ve been keeping them in the car because you never know when you’ll happen upon some striking branches.

• A hack for reviving wilted hydrangeas: Hydrangeas are one of my favorite flowers to pick up at Trader Joe’s, but I often find them crestfallen the very next day. I was skeptical about this hot water revival trick, too, but can confidently say it works (as long as your hydrangeas aren’t too long gone).